Alas, a Visual Break

Zombie Shakespeare

According to an educated Hot Topic Employee -

This is Poe!

Day 17: Here we go again!

So, I declared on facebook that I wasn't going to post tonight. Then I started thinking...

That's how I got where I am today - a writer who doesn't write -

So here I am.

Writing.

See the words? Sentences? It has to count for something.

Right?

Oh, that reminds me - All the links in my posts are actually set up by me - not some random linkage sending you off to Dictionary.com. Well, except for that one - but I did that, too.
Some send you off to Amazon.com, or YouTube.com, or whatever site I think fits - some are just funny. (Earlier posts had tons of links, but some will not work because I did them wrong and eventually I will go back and fix them.

But not tonight.

Oh, yeah - I was surfing earlier and came across Cleverbot.com and was happy to know that the answer to life, the universe and everything is still - 42.

At least some things never change.

Day 16: Walking Cliff Notes

First, let me clarify something from my previous post -

I know what you might be thinking - No, I didn't have or consider having a sex-change, nor did I have relations (by any definition) with women. I am married to a wonderful man (a reader, of course!) with three amazing children, two dogs, and three cats. I just wanted to hang with the boys - and have all of the advantages boys had that I didn't (I've been rejected and practically laughed at for going for jobs as a female - furniture store in Colorado Springs - hiring manager said, "I can't believe he[district manager] sent a female for this job. That's just what we need, another woman." And Wal-Mart - manager said to me, "You'll only make a quarter more an hour and we don't need women with children in these positions. We need men because they can work in any store.")

With that out of the way - On to something more interesting, if not a little sad -

Mega Millions - Who didn't have a moment of thinking about what you could do with all that money? I rarely play - maybe once a year or every couple of years. I never let myself think too much about things like that, but even I had a moment of excitement figuring out what I would do with all that money.

In reality, even a thousand would make a difference. Oh, this brings up a thought - "Deal or No Deal" -
I was always shocked when someone would say, "I didn't come here to win $25,000. No Deal!" I always thought, "Well, why not? It's $25,000 more than you came with!" I don't know about you, but $25,000 - okay call it $16,000 after taxes- would help me considerably. I mean it won't clear off significant debt (doesn't even touch college tuition plus interest x 3), but it certainly would help out along the way. As much as I always wanted to go play the game because I was pretty good at it from the sofa, I would bail as soon as they offered anything. I mean, here - I guarantee you $30 - or turn it down and maybe you'll double it or maybe you'll get nothing. I don't see the problem. Something is better than nothing.

Sure, it would have been fabulous to win $640 million. Instead, I'll go to work on Monday morning, live paycheck to paycheck, and continue to be haunted by the one thing I truly want to be -

A writer.

SSDD

Day 15: Confessions of a Ghost Reader

I have a confession...

I desperately wanted to be a boy growing up. Boys were cool. They demanded classroom attention - and often got it. They could say and do things girls weren't allowed to say or do. My brother could come and go without question and so could I - if I was with him. Men were tougher, meaner, got better jobs, sweeter cars, and made more money.

While I know I was addicted to reading by 2nd grade, I finally realized I wanted to read what boys were reading. Of course, this was after reading every Judy Blume book, all of the horse books (Black Beauty and a bunch of others that I can't quite remember the names of now), and Nancy Drew books. I think my granny bought me my first Nancy Drew, which, of course, led me to the library and a wonderful discovery - The Hardy Boys.

Here's what The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew taught me - girls needed rescuing, boys saved themselves. I'd seen all the movies of women fainting and screaming (see Gone with the Wind and Psycho). Seriously, which would you rather be? (Even now I don't want to link a bunch of stuff to Nancy-girlie-Drew!) This shift to The Hardy Boys was more than just a book choice - I joined the high school math club - maybe there was one other girl, but I only remember the boys. Well, one boy (that's a story for another day!).

Although I didn't know a lot of guys who were readers, I dove into reading books by male authors because boys didn't read female authors (mostly true even today?). I would pass over any blatantly girlie (see Confessions of a Shopaholic) books in lieu of mysteries (Kellerman), horror books (King, VC Andrews), and sci-fi novels (Tolkien and Heinlein). To be fair, I didn't know VC Andrews was female until after I was hooked. I really thought that article was the one I read and that she had chosen to write as VC Andrews to appear to be male. I'm not sure where I got that notion from, but it certainly helped me shape my life.

There were times I wondered myself if I was interested in all of these "male" books or if I was interested in the boys these "male" books tended to attract. To this day, I'm still not certain there's a clear answer.
And in the end, does it really matter? Thanks to my friends now, I've moved out of the idea of male vs. female and have learned to embrace my womanhood (okay, that makes me laugh - while I'm not a tomboy, I still belch with the best!)

Okay, so enough about boys...

You've heard of ghost writers? People behind the scenes who write books for other people without taking credit (hey, I think I'd like a gig like that!).

Well, tonight I took on a Ghost Reading gig - for free because I heart Sara -
it was kind of a joke, but we'll see. Maybe we'll talk about the book - if you want to.



I have decided to go ahead with my announcement - but not until Sunday :)

Day 14: Quote of the Day

Writing is difficult on a good day - not the actual words flowing from fingertip to page (keyboard), but from the head to the fingertip is a much longer journey.

I struggle most with my internal editor - that voice that tells me everything I write is going to really be bad, so why bother? This is my goal - as suggested by Stephen King:

"I believe the first draft of a book — even a long one — should take no more than three months…Any longer and — for me, at least — the story begins to take on an odd foreign feel, like a dispatch from the Romanian Department of Public Affairs, or something broadcast on high-band shortwave duiring a period of severe sunspot activity." (Stephen King On Writing)

When I'm writing, I don't like to talk to anyone about what it is I'm writing. I feel like the more I talk about it, I guess I just get tired of hearing it... but it's more than that - I just need it to be fresh as I write it. When I talk about what I'm writing, I feel like the story has no surprises left. Then I get bored with it and wind up with nothing but a few dozen pages of what amounts to an old story that's going nowhere. 

What I like about trying to just plough through a book is that I have less time to contemplate every single word for accuracy or excitement level. For god's sake, just write the story already! (Don't mind me, I yell at myself a lot.)

National Novel Writing Month uses the same idea King writes about - just squishes it into ONE month, not three. I've done it once, but honestly, I will be lucky to get a few chapters out... if I can ever face my old writing again. I've lived with my stories for so long, I can't imagine anyone would want to read them.

But, enough of that for now - 

   Time to curl up with a good Jenna Marbles vlog and call it a night.

(Hope you like the new look! I liked the other look, but my Granny needed to be able to read it better - so I hope it helps!)

Day Thirteen: "Writer's Walk"

Another blank page to fill with words.

 This is the first night I haven't come to the page with something stirring in my brain to start working out. Okay, there are things - 7 billion people gone in a flash (see Selection Event) - and there are Gods among us (see American Gods), but mostly there's just ...

Okay, so I went onto Reddit earlier and I ran across a blog by some person writing weird "Jane" stories. I read a few and tried to figure out the attraction because there definitely seemed to be one as it was the third story from the top. (I tried to find it again, but no luck - maybe tomorrow!) The stories were high-schoolish - sort of like Mean Girls. Okay, the first one was funny - the rest were just different scenarios with the same idea.

But in the end, whoever this person is writing these weird little scenarios is writing, now isn't she/he?
Instead of writing, I think I'll go to sleep now. My dog, Dusty Mocha (bushy-haired Cocker Spaniel who (yes, he's a who not an it) doesn't at all look like a Cocker and should have been named Paul Anka) keeps trying to use my Mactop as a pillow and I am giving up the battle.

If you need further encouragement to write, see Natalie Goldberg and her book, Writing Down the Bones. You won't regret it.
        Any day now, I will take my own advice.
                  Maybe tomorrow.

Thursday, for sure.

    Absolutely Friday, though. No doubt.

("Writer's Walk" refers to Stephen King's Bag of Bones)

Visual Break

My Yearly Flower

Day Twelve: The Path of Writeousness

So, yes - we all know movies based on books can never be as good as the novel. Well, I should say - Readers understand that films adapted from novels will never be as good as the written word.

Some movies are adapted with the understanding that readers are the audience - at least that's the only explanation that I have come up with, so far. I think on some levels, this is true for the entire Harry Potter series. Movies - from the reader's perspective - should be seen as a supplement to the written story. While, with some films, I've gained a deeper understanding of characters and/or plot.

There are times, though, when something doesn't necessarily scare me - like clowns or spiders (okay, I do squeal a bit with spiders and maybe hold my breath while releasing this odd choking sound, but in the end - I know I'll kill it if I have to). So reading It wasn't incredibly scary in parts (SPOILER - can't believe I'm writing that considering the book came out over 20 years ago...). Like in the end, when they were chasing down the spider. I mean, sure, going into dark tunnels with creepy-crawly things everywhere and some murderous thing you're not even sure what it is, of course it's scary - but when it came down to a spider, I remember thinking, "Hmm. A spider? Really?" That doesn't mean King didn't find many other ways to scare me to death in the story - there was plenty of other creepy things (like drains - I agree, Mr. King. Drains are just about as creepy as they get... especially when they might have a "shit-weesel" swimming in the toilet - wrong book, same idea! See Dreamcatcher).

Stephen King is such a master of horror because he knows very well how not scary something can be if you name it too quickly. Who doesn't stop and think about King on Family Guy with his (oooo) "Haunted Lamp!" - or was it "Lamp Monster?" (Now I digress -King on Family Guy cracks me up! You gotta watch). It's the unknown that's really scary because we, as readers, fill in our own deepest fears. Once it is named - the same thing can happen to you - maybe spiders just don't scare you, either. (Just like clowns don't scare me - but Pennywise sure does.)

The thing is - Stephen King could write the story about a haunted lamp monster and scare the crap out of all of us - because we wouldn't know it was about a haunted lamp until half the people in the story had been either eaten, sliced, diced, smashed, slashed, or split (or all of the above), but by then, he's got us, up alone at night, trying to finish the last 40 pages of the 1200 page novel. Lights on, doors and windows locked (hopefully), and a phone within reach with 911 punched in and ready.

Just in case...


Coming Soon:
I will be reviewing Stephen King's new book: The Wind Through the Keyhole: A Dark Tower Novel next month!

Day Eleven: Words into Vision

Yes - Day Eleven and still going! At some point I need to do this a little earlier so I don't fall asleep mid-sentence. Thankfully, you can't see the drool on the keyboard, so all is well.

I was thinking more about the book to movie adaptations that failed. One in particular comes to mind (because I really worried that The Hunger Games make the same mistake) - The Golden Compass (His Dark Materials) - 


The books were cleverly written and definitely on the dark side. The movie was a farce and "prettied" up for audiences. To be fair to the filmmakers, certainly put a lot of work into creating Lyra's world, but the true sense of the novel was completely missing. Although it's been a while, the one big change that didn't seem to make sense from the books to film - why change the name of the armoured bears to ice bears?

Okay, if I'm going to point out these changes - Why on earth did the name get changed from Northern Lights to The Golden Compass, anyway? There's a good explanation, I'm sure, but I figure it's because deep down, the UK feels Americans are just too dense to get some of the subtleties of British words (see Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone). 


I guess I just don't like change...

That really started as a child - even younger than the Freaky Friday incident. I could blame more directors, screenwriters, or even Hollywood or the audiences - but really, it's all of these things that just boil down to one thing in particular - money.

I mean, I get there are people out there making these decisions - but seriously - I wish directors/producers/screenwriters and actors would stop one minute to consider the integrity of the novel - it doesn't have to be bigger and grander - you've got the audience built up - especially on the bigger selling novels.

So this whole thing came about because I really hoped The Hunger Games film would meet or even exceed my expectations after having read the book. I will be buying the movie when it's out - with pleasure.

So, in writing this, I find the movie Avatar running through my head, but I will leave that conversation for another day.

Day Ten: Visual Words Continued

So, where was I? Oh yes, vaguely talking about book to movie translations -
Since I was a child, I've longed to see movies made from books, but so often, I'm disappointed. I've tried through the years to enjoy the movies separately, but the first few times I see a book adaptation, every change is a glaring reminder that the "Dirty Birds" got it wrong! (See Misery)
Like Harry Potter - Am I the only person who noticed that his scar is in the wrong place? I mean, I get that some things don't translate well to film, but couldn't we get the small things right? What's the problem with hanging onto a modicum of integrity to the written word?

This is where I have to take the movie for what it is - a separate telling of a similar story. I've found that once I've seen a movie a few times, I lose the memory of some of the details (the scar is STILL in the wrong place!), but not all.

Now, this is how I try to watch films on the first go 'round, but it's just so difficult. I went to see The Hunger Games again today. (SPOILER ALERT) Yes, some changes bother me although some of the changes I understand.

I totally get why the mayor's daughter is removed from the film. She's really a secondary character that doesn't move the plot along to speak of - except for that one little moment where she gives the mockingjay pin to Katniss. Unfortunately in the film, the pin loses a lot of its power  when Katniss finds the pin on her own while she's trading in the black market. The mystery behind the pin's history held much of the plot together. Now that I think about it, the loss of the game player's tokens, in general, weakens the historical link so prevalent in the books - from the meaning of the mokingjays in that evolved from the oppression of the people but became the voice of the people through song.

On the other hand, additions to the film filled in some back-story that was interesting to witness - like the gamekeeper's death. Other films have additions that often become bigger than the film and book ~ see Jack Nicholson in The Shining. There are amazing moments in so many films -

But nothing compares to those moments that reading a novel brings. Reading allows each of us to bring our own ideas, thoughts, and dreams into a new world of amazing characters filled with new hopes and dreams.

Find your words - Find your dreams

Day Nine: Visual Words

Do you like yesterday's cheat post? You can thank my daughter for that one. She pointed out Pintrest and I had to give it a try. Oh right, then I went to the midnight release of The Hunger Games.

First, I'd like to say, I've always been critical about book to movie adaptations - and yet completely taken with them. I used to say Freaky Friday was the first time I read a book and begged Grandma to take me to see the movie (during the movie I told her every detail that was different from the book). But, I think my real first time with this experience was Charolote's Web. I read the book in second grade - and honestly, I was hooked on reading. That's also the first "real" book I remember reading.

Book-to-Movies appeal to me, but I am often disappointed. Overall, I think most movies cannot capture a book because we fill in all images based on words - and rarely does a movie capture the sense of our imagination. However, I believe Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings series mastered this in a way other directors/movies only hope to achieve. His vision remained closely linked to the written word and some of that probably comes from his love of the books - but another part must have included his desire to create films that only supplements the novels, not replaces them.

It's no secret that I'm a huge Stephen King fan (no no, not his "number one fan!" Just an average fan who's followed his work since I was a teenager). When it comes to books, well, picking favorites is tougher than it is to say which I could go the rest of my life without re-reading I enjoyed the movie Misery so much. Kathy Bates was amazing in the role. And yes, the book was very close to the movie - but there were some others that didn't work very well - in comparison.

(almost 4am - going to break here and continue this tomorrow... I know, I know - really cheating all over the place!)

Arkansas Sunrise

Day Eight: Sleepy Zombies

Okay, maybe zombies don't actually sleep. I also doubt they use Post-It notes, which is just sad. No wonder they all eat brains.

Returning a moment to The Walking Dead and, well, zombies in general - a question: If zombies are dead and decomposing then, in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse, wouldn't we all just have to hide out for a few weeks while they turn to mush and bones?

If an animal can be picked clean to bones and fur in roughly a week (see CSI and YouTube), then it's fair to say it would take a month or more to get a person to bone. So, does turning zombie slow the decomposition rate? According to one site, the human brain liquifies within such a short period. I really think we could just hunker down and wait it out. That is, of course, if the brains of a zombie hold such power.

I would love to continue this conversation, but I'm typing in my sleep, now..
No announcement tonight - must sleep. See ya tomorrow.

Day Seven: One Week Down

I wish I could say this last week of writing has been a breeze. I've avoided and dodged and whined (internally far more than externally - you're welcome, family and friends), but in the end, I've written something each day. Words.
Big words, little words - short posts and long ones (sorry about that!).
I still get a little shaky and I break out in a sweat when I think about having to continue this for an entire year. The first night I posted, as a crawled into bed, I felt exhilarated - I don't know what I thought would happen - (again, not to beat a dead horse or anything, See A Christmas Story) - but that unknown was the most exciting part of the whole thing.
Of course, I had nightmares that night and woke up a nervous wreck and didn't even remember why for the first hour. Once I remembered what I'd done - I jumped online to see what had happened while I slept.
And there it was -
    Nothing.
Everything was just as I'd left it. It's not like I had any huge expectations. I didn't have a clue what I was looking for to begin with - but I felt something stirring inside - and I knew things would be different from that moment on. (Yes, see A Christmas Story again... I'm sure I'll see those A+++++++... any day now!)
My days have changed since that first night. I panic in bursts throughout the day, wondering what on earth I'll write about next. Then, I forget about it, taking in the day around me and making little Post-Its in my head of tidbits that might be something worth writing about.
Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a HUGE fan of Post-Its. I like small ones, large ones, medium ones, animal design ones, "real" ones, "fake" ones, yellow ones, purple ones (totally my fav...), pink ones, and blue ones. Granted, I will trade out the green ones if necessary, but only trade. You might be wondering if I could really have so much to write on these little sticky papers - but I use them for oh so much more. Sure, at work they are great to keep notes, phone numbers, lists, and a ton of other information. As long as I remember to write exactly what the heck numbers and names mean, otherwise I end up tossing them because I've no clue why I'd write down some random number with an x by it.
I also use Post-Its for bookmarks and notes inside books I'm reading  (my wonderful friend, Liz, could always tell how much I liked a book based on how many Post-Its were sticking out of it!). One of my favorite uses, though, is writing quick notes for each of the family or all of the family and posting them all around the house.

Okay, there, I've done it, completed my seventh day with a few more random words, thoughts, and ideas. And now I'm falling asleep while typing, so that's it for me tonight.

Thanks for stopping by - See you tomorrow! I do have one more announcement to make, but going to wait a day or so.
Peace out.

Day Six: Zombie Wars

I grew up watching scary movies with my dad. I remember being as young as four watching every big bug movie. I don't know if it was the movies I loved more or the time with my dad. Although I also watched football with him and Saturday Night Live (admittedly, I was way too young for it all) with him, it is the horror flicks I embraced. 

When I was about five, maybe six, my dad took me and my brother (Chuck was 8 or so) to the drive-in. When my dad pulled up to pay, the guy asked my dad if he was sure he wanted to bring us in. Daddy said, "It's fine. They'll fall asleep in no time." He later said it was the first movie he took us to that we both watched every minute. I devoured the movie and carry images of it even now. I looked for the movie for years and finally found it a year or so ago on Netflix - I Drink Your Blood and I Eat Your Skin. Great title, huh? 

The best image from the movie was this woman using a carving knife to cut off her own hand and stumbling out the back door. I've thought of the movie so often through the years - and always with such fondness... as odd as that sounds. 

After going back and watching the movie as an adult - I can't believe my dad took us to see that movie! It's really a commentary on hippies and how they are destroying society - through the guise of nudity, satan, and rabies, no less. That's the other image that stays with me - someone using a huge syringe to inject rabies-infected blood into a pie. (Can you hear my smile?)

Oh, and then there was the day Daddy took me to the movies to see Jaws. I was way too young to see that, too, but I'd read the book and couldn't wait to see the movie. I begged Daddy to take me. Afterwards, I didn't want to take a bath for days because I knew a shark would get me (yeah, laugh it up, but I lived in Arkansas - the bath was the closest thing to ocean I'd ever seen).

I remember when The Exorcist came out. My brother and cousins went to see it, but, again, I was too young. Only this time, no one would take me. I remember some controversy around it back then, but even when I saw it the first six or more times, I didn't see why (I mean, other than the religion thing).

Turns out I was watching the edited version on channels like TBS, or whatever. The first time I saw the fully un-censored version - oh my. I'm really glad I didn't see it back then. 

One night, when I was about 13, my dad had been out and came home around ten. Initially, he was furious because I had every single light on in the house - even the bathroom lights. He walked in yelling about the electric bill and asked what I was doing. I confessed I'd just watched The Omen and The Omen 2. 

I don't remember seeing him laugh as hard as he did that night. And he stopped yelling about the cost of electricity for the rest of the evening and watched the next scary movie with me.

So, is it really any surprise that I love Zombies?

While everyone has the ribbons to "Support Troops" and every other cause out there - My ribbon is "Support Zombies." I still believe one of the best scary movies ever made is Night of the Living Dead.

Luckily, my husband is as big a fan as I am with horror flicks and zombies in general. 

My love of horror extends beyond movies to books and, of course, video games. Left 4 Dead, in my opinion, is one of the best ones out there. And for a little Android fun - Stupid Zombies is quite fun (like Angry Birds, but you shoot zombies! Totally addicting!).

Okay, so what does any of this have to do with the post that never was from last night, you might have thought about 3 paragraphs ago?

The Walking Dead is definitely the best zombie television series out there (okay, fine, I guess it's the only one - so they've cornered the market). Last night was the season finale and I couldn't wait to talk about it! Rick - total bad A - (I don't know if I'm allowed to curse on here, so I'll read the fine print some day - ha) - I'm just shocked so many people are shocked by this. I mean, clearly the dude got shot and survived and fought his way to find his cheating bimbo... I mean wife... and best friend - who only ever wanted to have what Rick had from the start (see the beginning where Shane saved Rick's family over his own...).

Okay, well I want to talk more Dead stuff, but will hold off for another day.

Needless to say, I've been into the whole zombie-monster-apocolyptic movie-book-game thing for as long as I can remember - even now - the images, books, movies racing through my mind makes me pause to enjoy the memories - but I feel you've probably heard enough for now.

It was sorta nice to have a night not writing about not writing.

   Don't get too used to it.

Day Five: See tomorrow

I am going to cheat and write today's tomorrow because I just typed almost all of it on my iPad but when i switched windowa it cleared the whole thing. bah Will return tomorrow.

Day 4: Unlikely Words

Another day!
Happy St. Patty's Day.

I think how quickly I forgot how long this little experiment would continue.
Sara! You're right! There are loopholes.
I never said consecutive days. Ha!

Must sleep. More tomorrow!

Day Three: Part 2: Oh my

Well now. Just made a little discovery I thought I'd share.

I was excited I actually got my third post up and asked my husband to read it.

"30 days?" He asks me.

"Yes," I respond proudly.

"Oh, I didn't think you committed to a set time, yet."

"Ha! Yes! I did." I go back in to read him my first post.

Then I see it!

Some lunatic hijacked my First Day entry and wrote that I would do this for 365 days! 

I almost peed my pants laughing! (365 days... oh my god!) Hysterical laughter -

Hubby adds, "So, by tomorrow will you be down to a week?" 

If I didn't love him so much, he'd be on the couch tonight.

So there it is, a day 3 re-commitment to another 362 (gulp) days.

If only I were a drinker so I'd have some excuse...

Day Three: Tripping Over My Pencil

Day 3... wow, what commitment!
Although it's late and I'm heading to bed soon, I've thought of this moment all day. I've come up with various scenarios as to what I expect to come out of this 30 day journey (see "A Christmas Story").

30 days.
On one hand, it's nothing. On the other hand, I've done so little writing over the last three years that 30 days of writing is such a marked improvement. So, what on earth am I going to come up with to write about for another 28 (almost 27!) days? Is it possible to write for a solid month about not writing?
I know I'm not the only one out there with pages tucked away still hoping to "be a writer" someday.

I think it was... 12 years ago - me and the family were all geared up to head to Cambridge to meet Orson Scott Card (he had just written a book about writing characters and some other more popular novel). But I got sick. I begged my husband, Michael, to take my book to get it signed for me anyway.
Michael took the book and the kids and told Orson Scott Card I wanted to be a writer.

Card told him, "She all ready is a writer."

I thought that was amazing for him to say, but I wanted someone to buy my writing - then I'd be a real writer. I wrote for a couple of local newspapers and I still didn't see myself as a writer. I got my MA in Writing - and - you got it - I still don't think I'm real. If I'm not a real writer, then why keep writing?
Because if I don't, it drives me nuts - so here I am - writing a blog about writing and not writing.
I spent much of my academic career doing the same thing.

Maybe what I really need is for someone to pay me to not be a writer... maybe then I'd feel like a writer. Maybe then I'd be able to stand up to myself and say, "I am a writer. I can do this!"
Nah, that's too easy.
I'd hate to succeed.

Day Two (ish)

Well, here I am for day two - even if it is technically after midnight. I crawled into bed before I remembered...
Success nonetheless.
Last night after posting, I wanted to yank the post back. I worried about the pressure I put on myself and immediately wanted out.
Although I have feigned my own death back in my heavy chat days, I will try to continue to push through without "offing" myself just to avoid writing. I mean, no promises, but it would be tougher to pull off these days.
I seem to be falling asleep, so I will cut this short for tonight.
Xx Sara Xx knowing you're stalking me makes this journey more special!

Day One: The Violent Dance with Words

Through the years, I've written more about not writing than about almost anything else. I've spent hours thinking about writing and avoiding writing.
When my friend, Sara, texted me back in November 2011, "I'm a blogger!" I remembered that I had also started a blog... in 2009. Two blog posts and three years later...
I have successfully written almost nothing.

But - I did write this in response to my good friend's first blog entry:

I've always been a firm believer of making people's dreams come true. So today, I give Sara one of her blog dreams: A response to her first blog. I, like Sara, am a long-time procrastinator. Hence, the 2 1/2 year (now almost 3) hiatus since my last blog entry. If that's what you can even call it. I think I had written another one at some point and finally decided it was so meaningless even I didn't want to read it again and deleted it.

Also like Sara, I have a huge list of ways to avoid doing almost anything and maybe that will eventually be what I will blog about. For example - while working my BA and MA, I would clean house to avoid writing, homework, or anything required to accomplish said degrees. I've come a long way -

I am so much better at avoiding writing AND cleaning.

Which really leaves me left with stalking.

I stole the bagel and sold it on eBay for a buck.

So there! I've finally published my official response to Sara's blog: Snort Words Like a Junkie.

Now that the words are out there... or will be any moment (unless I chicken out and delete the whole thing before anyone sees a word) ...  I have an announcement to make.

(Can you hear all of the excuses rattling through my brain to keep me from writing the very thing I intended to write tonight?)

Today is March 14, 2012 and I'm going to write a blog entry every day for the next (day? week? month?) year. (Oh god - a Year?)
Yes. Every single day for 365 days.

There it is. It's out there. I said it. Well, I wrote it. I have barely put it out there and already I'm ready to yank it back. I can think of a million reasons why this will never work. I feel a little shaky, light headed, and my palms are sweating.

The doubt that fills many writers keeps me trapped in concrete, unable to break out and do the only thing I really ever wanted to do. Writing for me has been a dream, but it's more than that - better and worse.

When I'm not writing - physically putting words to a blank page - my brain constantly writes and re-writes stories. The words haunt me, taunt me, and literally drive me nuts. It's less about me choosing to be a writer than about words forcing themselves through my soul. Without escape, they twist and thrash in my head.

Even though words stalk me to a point of exhaustion, adrenaline is racing through my body as I reach up to push that little orange "Publish" button.
Am I setting myself up for failure? How can I do 365 days in a row when I haven't written two days in a row in over a year? 
I can't even bring myself to write all of the ugly things I tell myself  - all of the screaming voices telling me this is such a bad idea...

I don't expect it to be easy - I'm sure it will be ugly at times. And, let's face it, there's a good chance no one will read this but me anyway.
But I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. (Can you hear the high-pitched-squeaky-panic?)

So, there it is. Day One of a 365 Day Journey in Writing.