Day 25: Return from Blogcation

Yes. I'm back after a little blogcation -

Did I cheat a little on my original goal? No doubt. My goal of writing every single day for 365 days turned into a goal of 365 posts - which left me so much leeway that now - I've used my loophole to avoid writing for twelve days.

But I came back.

I gave myself permission to not log in and write. I told myself it was okay because I was "thinking about writing" the whole time - unfortunately - there's no machine to take my thoughts and turn them into words on a page (see The Tommyknockers).

And on one level, I am thankful for that (see picture). On another - wow - the amount of writing that I would have finished by now. No one would ever, ever want to hear all of the garbage that runs through my head at any given time (no - trust me - you really wouldn't! stfub :)

So, given there's no Alienware to sub-atomically turn my thoughts into novels - I need a clone. With a clone - one of me could do my day job and one of me could write all day. On second thought, I might need two clones. One for day job, one for running the house (OMG, the house could finally get cleaned!), and the final one for writing all day. Hmm. Scratch that - I need three clones. One for day job, one for housework, one for writing, and one for gaming (thank you Blizzard and Battle.net for beta free weekend!).

This reminds me of David Brin's Kiln People. It's been years since I've read the book, but from what I remember, people could make duplicates of themselves to go about their tedious tasks - or illegal activities- while keeping the "real" person safe and sound. I can't tell you how much time I spend at work trying to figure out how to be in two places at once. Sometimes, I think I'm close to figuring out how to make it happen.

Once I do, I'll write about it - or "I" 2.0 will.

Sneak Peek: Visit tomorrow for a discussion on Stephen King's latest novel, The Wind Through the Keyhole: A Dark Tower Novel. 

NOTE: All of the books I write about, can be found here: My Little Bookstore!
NOTE 2.0 Check this out Doctor Sleep by Stephen King

Day 22: Part Two: Books, Kindles, or Zombies?

So, where was I? Oh, right -

Love books - what about ebooks and zombies?

On the ebook front - I adored my Amazon Kindle. Instead of one or two books... I could carry so many. I got a lot of the free classics right away. I finally had a way to flip between the different books I was reading.  As for actually reading on a Kindle, once you're reading, you forget you're not holding a book.

Another thing I quickly loved about the Kindle - I've had some weird issue with my hands for the last 10 years or so (not arthritis) and holding some of the bigger books became unbearable at times. Even trying to hold open paperbacks was a struggle some days. Holding the Kindle - even the larger 2nd Generation - never bothered my hands.

The readability on a Kindle is amazing. Not only does the Eink display look like a page out of a book, you can change the font size from smaller to larger - whichever way works for you. And although no one would ever/should ever purchase a Kindle for the Text To Speech, it offers hours of entertainment, in and of itself. Try it some time - the word "baby" is probably the funniest word to hear on a Kindle.

Clearly, I'm an ebook fan. I was reading ebooks before the term "ebook" was named. I am not a fan of reading off a computer screen - I'm guessing it's the lighting (but I can spend hours on Pintrest.com and DYAC on my computer...).

So - it's clear - I'm a book fan. I'm an ebook fan.
Did buying a Kindle curb my "real" book purchasing? Sure. Of course it did. Now instead of $80 book purchases every few months, I spent that much about every six months. 2 things changed - 1. I now take my Kindle with me (or Kindle app on phone) and double check prices. 2. When I do go into a real bookstore - I spend money in the store and on my Kindle at the same time - which often is double the amount I used to spend on books.

Today - I still own my original Kindle, but I also have a Kindle Fire. The Fire is compact, touch screen, sleek, and downright beautiful. But, I can't put it into a baggie and sit in the hot tub with it and I can't see it well in direct sunlight. That's where my older Kindle comes into play - along with real books.

I also cannot believe airlines make you turn off your eReader in take off and landing - but because they do, I still carry a book or two when traveling (looks like that might be changing!).

So there it is - Real books vs. Kindles - Questions?


Why did you not discuss Nook or Sony's eReaders?
Right - I'm not going to discuss Nook at this point because my choice remains Kindle. As for Sony's eReaders - I played with them a lot through the years and, although they have great features missing in Kindles (one great feature - Removable Memory Cards - SD or otherwise), I felt they were bulkier, heavier, and slower to "turn" the pages. (FINE: Nook - touch is not as responsive, the Nooks in the store crashed every time I tried to do anything - overall performance was lacking in comparison - there.)

What on earth do Zombies have to do with this conversation?
I thought you'd never ask -
When the Zombie Apocalypse occurs - electricity will vanish - trumping all eReaders.
Books need no batteries.

I win either way.

Day 22: Part One - Books, Kindles, or Zombies?

I've weighed in on the debate between real books vs. ebooks with friends and family for several years now. I remember the excitement I felt as a child digging through the stacks in the public library.

As a teenager and an adult, I had always carried a book in my bag (okay, at least one book, sometimes two). If I didn't have it in my bag, it was only because I tossed it out into the car at the last minute. A few years ago, I remember my friend seeing a book sticking out of my bag and she asked, "So, what? Are you  planning to be bored?"

Even though most of the people in my life are readers, I've never quite been able to fully explain my need to have a book with me at all times. I mean, you never know when you might have a couple minutes to read. Out to dinner - your friend goes to the bathroom and you're just sitting there - Standing in line at the grocery store, bank, post office, etc. - Going to the restroom yourself...

Anyway -

I vividly remember the first time I saw my daughter's friend's Sony Ebook Reader.  I wanted one. I wanted it so bad I could hardly see straight. I love reading, but I read what my mood fits, so I'm often in the middle of two or more books at one time (see previous posts for current list!). I went right out to Borders (bye bye Borders, so sad) and fondled the ebook reader. I didn't get one right away - in fact, the first Amazon Kindle came out and I still didn't get one. The biggest thing that kept me from it immediately - cost. That first Sony reader was over $300. I can't remember the first price on the Kindle, but I remember it being pretty high as well.

So, did I break down and get an ebook reader?

You bet your butt I did.

I first picked up the second generation Amazon Kindle. Honestly, I picked Amazon because I've been buying from them for so long and often that I used to get Christmas presents from them in the 90s. I remember the mailman (ahem - "postal carrier") asking me once how I liked Amazon since he was delivering it so often to my apartment. This was before the shipping rates were jacked up - but I only went to Barnes & Noble to pick up books I needed (or wanted) immediately (rarely went to Borders as their shelves were not as well organized and I struggled to find anything).

I digress - to be continued...


Stay tuned tomorrow for Part Two - Books, Kindles, or Zombies?

Alas, a Visual Break

Zombie Shakespeare

According to an educated Hot Topic Employee -

This is Poe!

Day 17: Here we go again!

So, I declared on facebook that I wasn't going to post tonight. Then I started thinking...

That's how I got where I am today - a writer who doesn't write -

So here I am.

Writing.

See the words? Sentences? It has to count for something.

Right?

Oh, that reminds me - All the links in my posts are actually set up by me - not some random linkage sending you off to Dictionary.com. Well, except for that one - but I did that, too.
Some send you off to Amazon.com, or YouTube.com, or whatever site I think fits - some are just funny. (Earlier posts had tons of links, but some will not work because I did them wrong and eventually I will go back and fix them.

But not tonight.

Oh, yeah - I was surfing earlier and came across Cleverbot.com and was happy to know that the answer to life, the universe and everything is still - 42.

At least some things never change.

Day 16: Walking Cliff Notes

First, let me clarify something from my previous post -

I know what you might be thinking - No, I didn't have or consider having a sex-change, nor did I have relations (by any definition) with women. I am married to a wonderful man (a reader, of course!) with three amazing children, two dogs, and three cats. I just wanted to hang with the boys - and have all of the advantages boys had that I didn't (I've been rejected and practically laughed at for going for jobs as a female - furniture store in Colorado Springs - hiring manager said, "I can't believe he[district manager] sent a female for this job. That's just what we need, another woman." And Wal-Mart - manager said to me, "You'll only make a quarter more an hour and we don't need women with children in these positions. We need men because they can work in any store.")

With that out of the way - On to something more interesting, if not a little sad -

Mega Millions - Who didn't have a moment of thinking about what you could do with all that money? I rarely play - maybe once a year or every couple of years. I never let myself think too much about things like that, but even I had a moment of excitement figuring out what I would do with all that money.

In reality, even a thousand would make a difference. Oh, this brings up a thought - "Deal or No Deal" -
I was always shocked when someone would say, "I didn't come here to win $25,000. No Deal!" I always thought, "Well, why not? It's $25,000 more than you came with!" I don't know about you, but $25,000 - okay call it $16,000 after taxes- would help me considerably. I mean it won't clear off significant debt (doesn't even touch college tuition plus interest x 3), but it certainly would help out along the way. As much as I always wanted to go play the game because I was pretty good at it from the sofa, I would bail as soon as they offered anything. I mean, here - I guarantee you $30 - or turn it down and maybe you'll double it or maybe you'll get nothing. I don't see the problem. Something is better than nothing.

Sure, it would have been fabulous to win $640 million. Instead, I'll go to work on Monday morning, live paycheck to paycheck, and continue to be haunted by the one thing I truly want to be -

A writer.

SSDD

Day 15: Confessions of a Ghost Reader

I have a confession...

I desperately wanted to be a boy growing up. Boys were cool. They demanded classroom attention - and often got it. They could say and do things girls weren't allowed to say or do. My brother could come and go without question and so could I - if I was with him. Men were tougher, meaner, got better jobs, sweeter cars, and made more money.

While I know I was addicted to reading by 2nd grade, I finally realized I wanted to read what boys were reading. Of course, this was after reading every Judy Blume book, all of the horse books (Black Beauty and a bunch of others that I can't quite remember the names of now), and Nancy Drew books. I think my granny bought me my first Nancy Drew, which, of course, led me to the library and a wonderful discovery - The Hardy Boys.

Here's what The Hardy Boys and Nancy Drew taught me - girls needed rescuing, boys saved themselves. I'd seen all the movies of women fainting and screaming (see Gone with the Wind and Psycho). Seriously, which would you rather be? (Even now I don't want to link a bunch of stuff to Nancy-girlie-Drew!) This shift to The Hardy Boys was more than just a book choice - I joined the high school math club - maybe there was one other girl, but I only remember the boys. Well, one boy (that's a story for another day!).

Although I didn't know a lot of guys who were readers, I dove into reading books by male authors because boys didn't read female authors (mostly true even today?). I would pass over any blatantly girlie (see Confessions of a Shopaholic) books in lieu of mysteries (Kellerman), horror books (King, VC Andrews), and sci-fi novels (Tolkien and Heinlein). To be fair, I didn't know VC Andrews was female until after I was hooked. I really thought that article was the one I read and that she had chosen to write as VC Andrews to appear to be male. I'm not sure where I got that notion from, but it certainly helped me shape my life.

There were times I wondered myself if I was interested in all of these "male" books or if I was interested in the boys these "male" books tended to attract. To this day, I'm still not certain there's a clear answer.
And in the end, does it really matter? Thanks to my friends now, I've moved out of the idea of male vs. female and have learned to embrace my womanhood (okay, that makes me laugh - while I'm not a tomboy, I still belch with the best!)

Okay, so enough about boys...

You've heard of ghost writers? People behind the scenes who write books for other people without taking credit (hey, I think I'd like a gig like that!).

Well, tonight I took on a Ghost Reading gig - for free because I heart Sara -
it was kind of a joke, but we'll see. Maybe we'll talk about the book - if you want to.



I have decided to go ahead with my announcement - but not until Sunday :)

Day Nine: Visual Words

Do you like yesterday's cheat post? You can thank my daughter for that one. She pointed out Pintrest and I had to give it a try. Oh right, then I went to the midnight release of The Hunger Games.

First, I'd like to say, I've always been critical about book to movie adaptations - and yet completely taken with them. I used to say Freaky Friday was the first time I read a book and begged Grandma to take me to see the movie (during the movie I told her every detail that was different from the book). But, I think my real first time with this experience was Charolote's Web. I read the book in second grade - and honestly, I was hooked on reading. That's also the first "real" book I remember reading.

Book-to-Movies appeal to me, but I am often disappointed. Overall, I think most movies cannot capture a book because we fill in all images based on words - and rarely does a movie capture the sense of our imagination. However, I believe Peter Jackson's The Lord of the Rings series mastered this in a way other directors/movies only hope to achieve. His vision remained closely linked to the written word and some of that probably comes from his love of the books - but another part must have included his desire to create films that only supplements the novels, not replaces them.

It's no secret that I'm a huge Stephen King fan (no no, not his "number one fan!" Just an average fan who's followed his work since I was a teenager). When it comes to books, well, picking favorites is tougher than it is to say which I could go the rest of my life without re-reading I enjoyed the movie Misery so much. Kathy Bates was amazing in the role. And yes, the book was very close to the movie - but there were some others that didn't work very well - in comparison.

(almost 4am - going to break here and continue this tomorrow... I know, I know - really cheating all over the place!)

Day Eight: Sleepy Zombies

Okay, maybe zombies don't actually sleep. I also doubt they use Post-It notes, which is just sad. No wonder they all eat brains.

Returning a moment to The Walking Dead and, well, zombies in general - a question: If zombies are dead and decomposing then, in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse, wouldn't we all just have to hide out for a few weeks while they turn to mush and bones?

If an animal can be picked clean to bones and fur in roughly a week (see CSI and YouTube), then it's fair to say it would take a month or more to get a person to bone. So, does turning zombie slow the decomposition rate? According to one site, the human brain liquifies within such a short period. I really think we could just hunker down and wait it out. That is, of course, if the brains of a zombie hold such power.

I would love to continue this conversation, but I'm typing in my sleep, now..
No announcement tonight - must sleep. See ya tomorrow.

Day Seven: One Week Down

I wish I could say this last week of writing has been a breeze. I've avoided and dodged and whined (internally far more than externally - you're welcome, family and friends), but in the end, I've written something each day. Words.
Big words, little words - short posts and long ones (sorry about that!).
I still get a little shaky and I break out in a sweat when I think about having to continue this for an entire year. The first night I posted, as a crawled into bed, I felt exhilarated - I don't know what I thought would happen - (again, not to beat a dead horse or anything, See A Christmas Story) - but that unknown was the most exciting part of the whole thing.
Of course, I had nightmares that night and woke up a nervous wreck and didn't even remember why for the first hour. Once I remembered what I'd done - I jumped online to see what had happened while I slept.
And there it was -
    Nothing.
Everything was just as I'd left it. It's not like I had any huge expectations. I didn't have a clue what I was looking for to begin with - but I felt something stirring inside - and I knew things would be different from that moment on. (Yes, see A Christmas Story again... I'm sure I'll see those A+++++++... any day now!)
My days have changed since that first night. I panic in bursts throughout the day, wondering what on earth I'll write about next. Then, I forget about it, taking in the day around me and making little Post-Its in my head of tidbits that might be something worth writing about.
Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I'm a HUGE fan of Post-Its. I like small ones, large ones, medium ones, animal design ones, "real" ones, "fake" ones, yellow ones, purple ones (totally my fav...), pink ones, and blue ones. Granted, I will trade out the green ones if necessary, but only trade. You might be wondering if I could really have so much to write on these little sticky papers - but I use them for oh so much more. Sure, at work they are great to keep notes, phone numbers, lists, and a ton of other information. As long as I remember to write exactly what the heck numbers and names mean, otherwise I end up tossing them because I've no clue why I'd write down some random number with an x by it.
I also use Post-Its for bookmarks and notes inside books I'm reading  (my wonderful friend, Liz, could always tell how much I liked a book based on how many Post-Its were sticking out of it!). One of my favorite uses, though, is writing quick notes for each of the family or all of the family and posting them all around the house.

Okay, there, I've done it, completed my seventh day with a few more random words, thoughts, and ideas. And now I'm falling asleep while typing, so that's it for me tonight.

Thanks for stopping by - See you tomorrow! I do have one more announcement to make, but going to wait a day or so.
Peace out.

Day 4: Unlikely Words

Another day!
Happy St. Patty's Day.

I think how quickly I forgot how long this little experiment would continue.
Sara! You're right! There are loopholes.
I never said consecutive days. Ha!

Must sleep. More tomorrow!

Day Three: Tripping Over My Pencil

Day 3... wow, what commitment!
Although it's late and I'm heading to bed soon, I've thought of this moment all day. I've come up with various scenarios as to what I expect to come out of this 30 day journey (see "A Christmas Story").

30 days.
On one hand, it's nothing. On the other hand, I've done so little writing over the last three years that 30 days of writing is such a marked improvement. So, what on earth am I going to come up with to write about for another 28 (almost 27!) days? Is it possible to write for a solid month about not writing?
I know I'm not the only one out there with pages tucked away still hoping to "be a writer" someday.

I think it was... 12 years ago - me and the family were all geared up to head to Cambridge to meet Orson Scott Card (he had just written a book about writing characters and some other more popular novel). But I got sick. I begged my husband, Michael, to take my book to get it signed for me anyway.
Michael took the book and the kids and told Orson Scott Card I wanted to be a writer.

Card told him, "She all ready is a writer."

I thought that was amazing for him to say, but I wanted someone to buy my writing - then I'd be a real writer. I wrote for a couple of local newspapers and I still didn't see myself as a writer. I got my MA in Writing - and - you got it - I still don't think I'm real. If I'm not a real writer, then why keep writing?
Because if I don't, it drives me nuts - so here I am - writing a blog about writing and not writing.
I spent much of my academic career doing the same thing.

Maybe what I really need is for someone to pay me to not be a writer... maybe then I'd feel like a writer. Maybe then I'd be able to stand up to myself and say, "I am a writer. I can do this!"
Nah, that's too easy.
I'd hate to succeed.

Day One: The Violent Dance with Words

Through the years, I've written more about not writing than about almost anything else. I've spent hours thinking about writing and avoiding writing.
When my friend, Sara, texted me back in November 2011, "I'm a blogger!" I remembered that I had also started a blog... in 2009. Two blog posts and three years later...
I have successfully written almost nothing.

But - I did write this in response to my good friend's first blog entry:

I've always been a firm believer of making people's dreams come true. So today, I give Sara one of her blog dreams: A response to her first blog. I, like Sara, am a long-time procrastinator. Hence, the 2 1/2 year (now almost 3) hiatus since my last blog entry. If that's what you can even call it. I think I had written another one at some point and finally decided it was so meaningless even I didn't want to read it again and deleted it.

Also like Sara, I have a huge list of ways to avoid doing almost anything and maybe that will eventually be what I will blog about. For example - while working my BA and MA, I would clean house to avoid writing, homework, or anything required to accomplish said degrees. I've come a long way -

I am so much better at avoiding writing AND cleaning.

Which really leaves me left with stalking.

I stole the bagel and sold it on eBay for a buck.

So there! I've finally published my official response to Sara's blog: Snort Words Like a Junkie.

Now that the words are out there... or will be any moment (unless I chicken out and delete the whole thing before anyone sees a word) ...  I have an announcement to make.

(Can you hear all of the excuses rattling through my brain to keep me from writing the very thing I intended to write tonight?)

Today is March 14, 2012 and I'm going to write a blog entry every day for the next (day? week? month?) year. (Oh god - a Year?)
Yes. Every single day for 365 days.

There it is. It's out there. I said it. Well, I wrote it. I have barely put it out there and already I'm ready to yank it back. I can think of a million reasons why this will never work. I feel a little shaky, light headed, and my palms are sweating.

The doubt that fills many writers keeps me trapped in concrete, unable to break out and do the only thing I really ever wanted to do. Writing for me has been a dream, but it's more than that - better and worse.

When I'm not writing - physically putting words to a blank page - my brain constantly writes and re-writes stories. The words haunt me, taunt me, and literally drive me nuts. It's less about me choosing to be a writer than about words forcing themselves through my soul. Without escape, they twist and thrash in my head.

Even though words stalk me to a point of exhaustion, adrenaline is racing through my body as I reach up to push that little orange "Publish" button.
Am I setting myself up for failure? How can I do 365 days in a row when I haven't written two days in a row in over a year? 
I can't even bring myself to write all of the ugly things I tell myself  - all of the screaming voices telling me this is such a bad idea...

I don't expect it to be easy - I'm sure it will be ugly at times. And, let's face it, there's a good chance no one will read this but me anyway.
But I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. (Can you hear the high-pitched-squeaky-panic?)

So, there it is. Day One of a 365 Day Journey in Writing.